#Lunar Lander Game

[satoshi-mochida]

Lunar Lander Beyond announced for PS5, Xbox Series, PS4, Xbox One, Switch, and PC

Gematsu Source

Publisher Atari and Cris Tales developer Dreams Uncorporated have announced Lunar Lander Beyond, a new game based on the 1979 arcade classic Lunar Lander. It will launch for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Switch, and PC via Steam and Epic Games Store in the first half of 2024.

Here is an overview of the game, via Atari:

About

As a newly appointed captain of the Pegasus corporation, you must guide a roster of colorful pilots, eclectic advisors and state-of-the-art landers through a taxing series of missions. Deliver cargo, retrieve resources, and rescue stranded pilots as you navigate a mysterious universe of moons and planets.

It’s a thankless job, replete with tension and danger, and it takes a psychological toll on your crew. But someone has to keep this unseen lifeblood of the interplanetary economy moving.

When a mysterious portal appears, leading to a strange, unexplored planet, you will find you are on a collision course with some sinister truths that lie unseen behind the universe. Poor flying and fatigue will stress your pilots, and can lead to sensory illusions… the bane of long-haul solo pilots. They may start to see things that may not be real—is that a mine or a fish? And what’s with those celestial pink elephants?!

With multiple pilots, four ships and a dozen upgrades to collect, you can get the job done if you can manage it all… if not, the stakes are high, and not just for your career.

Key Features

Beautiful Art – A luxurious sci-fi landscape in Dreams Uncorporated’s unique, hand-drawn style.

Deep Campaign – Tackle 30 missions across five moons and planets: Nueva Luna, Mars, Venus, Ganymede, and the mysterious Etimus.

Difficulty Settings – Four difficulty levels, with the highest one, insane, raising the stakes with permadeath.

Customization – Countless pilot options, with procedurally generated characters and attributes, four unique ships, and a dozen upgrades to equip.

Don’t Go Mad – Keep your wits about you—rising stress will lead to hallucinations and space madness!

Watch the announcement trailer below.

Announce Teaser Trailer

[atariforce]

ATARI exhibition by Amir Mahran

[sharivers92]

I got good news i finally got some other games that i want it on my atari vcs 800 today like wild dogs, block'em sock'em: 7800, cosmic panic, crystal quest: 7800, asteroids deluxe: 7800, circus interstellar, tanks, but no tanks, frenzy: 7800, annihilation, timeline mission!, tower of rubble: 2600, amoeba jump: 2600, retro game quest: 2600, failsafe: 7800, dare devil: 2600, tyre trax: 2600 and lunar lander beyond i thought i didn't have any digital money left or maybe it's another atari vcs store glitch but this time it's a good glitch that it purchase success i don't have another new visa gift card yet i still want it to go to the atari vcs store to see if it would let me purchase some of more i want it or not i'm happy i worked it let me get some more games i missed out on!

[tripleeyejosh]

Atari have been on a roll lately, thanks to a bold new strategy. In today's video, we look at how they're using indie developers to breath new life into old games.

[hardcoregamer]

PAX East 2024: Celestial Manoeuvres in the Dark of Space in Lunar Lander Beyond

There aren't many games that have to wait a full forty-five years for a sequel, but Lunar Lander is a special case. Its gameplay has been borrowed and iterated on over the years while the original languished as an arcade oddity mostly notable for its cabinet, but Lunar Lander Beyond finally gives the game a sequel that builds on the original in ways that promise to complement rather than clash with the basic design. 

Read more!

[everygame]

Lunar Lander Developed/Published by: Atari Released: 7/1979 Completed: 13/06/2024 Completion: Landed several times! Not on Command mode, admittedly…

I’m hard on Atari, hard on them in a way that you might think is unfair. I mean, consider the last two titles I’ve written about, Basketball and Baseball, where I give them pelters for having the temerity to be in black and white. Now, the Atari 2600 might have been pumping out full colour games by that point–and I’ll die on the hill that says Basketball is just better on the 2600, not least because it’s got a bit of colour–but I’ll cop to the fact that in 1979 vanishingly few arcade machines used true colour graphics. So few, actually, that it’s often accepted that Namco’s Galaxian, not released until late 1979, was the first. Which is, obviously, nonsense–though it may very well be the first game with multi-colour sprites. There’s some debate if the first colour game was Atari’s own “Color Gotcha” or Nutting Associates Pong-me-do Wimbledon, with Color Gotcha perhaps never officially released, but… hang on, I’m getting totally sidetracked here.

Where I’m actually trying to go is this. Having seen 1977’s Cinematronics Spacewar!-me-do Space Wars, the first arcade game to use a vector monitor, with Lunar Lander Atari hits the era in which black and white actually looks amazing.

It’s one of the most bitter pills to swallow in an era in which we can enjoy basically any game we like with incredible filters and shaders to ensure it looks like what it did at the time, what it would look like at its best, or even just what we remember it looking like, but it is impossible to understand how incredible vector graphics look unless you’re using an actual vector monitor. Literally drawing the lines on the screen with a blazing beam of light (rather than drawing the entire screen via horizontal raster scan) the lines manage an impossible brightness, perfect sharpness and incredible contrast that you simply cannot recreate. I remember thinking how boring Battlezone seemed until I saw an actual machine, where the clarity of the graphics are all-encompassing. You almost feel like you’re there, in that cold wireframe landscape.

(I do have a couple of caveats. A badly tuned vector monitor looks awful, and I imagine that a best-in-class brightness OLED monitor with sub-pixel resolution and a fine-tuned “vector glow” shader is probably in the “better than good enough” region, but there’s something so specific about the texture of a vector monitor I’m not sure.)

Now, vector graphics themselves would eventually make the leap to colour–Atari, amusingly, pipped to the post again in 1981 with Tempest by Sega’s Space Fury–but in 1979 Atari are finally offering something visually exciting. They do, however, make a decision that’s similar to the mistake Atari made with Computer Space–they take this amazing new tech and use it to make a complicated game based on a much older one… for nerds.

I’ve said many a time (particularly in my zines on the early days of Atari, buy now, etc.) but the early days of video games were a wild west, where it didn’t so much matter whose an idea was but how well you did it. But even saying that, I find Atari’s moves often disingenuous. Kate Willaert has written a beautiful, in-depth article on it (which I’ll endeavour to not simply recount here–read the entire thing) but Atari’s engineers didn’t take the concept of the “Lunar Lander Game” which had existed as a text game since 1969 and make it a 2D vector game, they literally just copied Moonlander, the first graphical version of the game, which was created for the DEC GT40, a computer terminal with (yes) a vector monitor.

It is brazen and really the only justification is that they could definitely get away with it because they were making an arcade game for an audience who would never have seen the terminal. It was a different time, but it still feels quite remarkable to read that designer Wendi Allen even wanted to add the “McDonalds on the moon” featured in Moonlander. It would surely have been intended as a clear tribute to the original developer Jack Burness, but at that point the games would be practically indistinguishable.

So what we have with Lunar Lander is a vector monitor game (because someone else did it) based on an updated version of an old game (because someone else it.) Is it any wonder I’m hard on Atari?

It’s not, however, that Lunar Lander is bad. In fact, it’s quite successful. It feels like a game that’s barely worth describing [“Is that why you fucked about talking about vector graphics for so long?”--Ed.] because you probably know how it works. You have to land the… lander. You do this by exerting thrust in zero (or near-zero) gravity, trying to position your wee lander over flat ground, preferably an area that had a bonus attached (2x to 5x) based on difficulty of approach. Land softly, you get a good score and can do it again. Crash and you get five points, lose fuel (which you burn when thrusting) and can do it again. You do this till you run out of fuel or you put more coins in to get more fuel, so then you’re doing it until you run out of coins (which makes high score chasing on this futile unless you’re committed to a single credit.)

It’s enjoyable! There are three difficulty levels, which are interesting in that they don’t exactly get harder if you understand the physics–in fact, when there’s no atmospheric friction on higher levels, it’s in some ways easier–until you get to “command” level, where you have no friction on rotation, making it… well, it’s not impossible, it’s just annoying, and I can’t imagine bothering with it.

The issue, of course, is that once you’ve landed a few times, it’s not that exciting. In fact, I assume that in 1979 the issue with the machine was that until you grasp how it works, it feels impossible, and once you do, it feels simplistic. The difficulty of understanding it  wouldn’t have been as insurmountable as Spacewar! (a gravity well? Come on) but that it was so high, and then the curve would level out so quickly, still feels like a problem.

That said, Atari wouldn’t have to worry about people getting bored of this too quickly, as they themselves would lose interest in it completely, as the first game to truly take on the hegemony of Space Invaders would show up…

Will I ever play it again? I’d like to play a real machine if I ever see it, and not just because it’s got a vector monitor. It also has a huge lever for thrust which probably feels amazingly immersive to use.

Final Thought: Something nice: you can play Lunar Lander/Moonlander in your browser easily thanks to artist Seb Lee-Delisle, who created an interactive art installation, Lunar Trails, using it for the GAME exhibition at Dublin Art Gallery in 2012. So it’s not like you have to take my word on it. Or on anything!!!

Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! You can pick up digital copies of exp., a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

[linuxgamenews]

Embark on a Journey of Wonder with Lunar Lander Beyond

Lunar Lander Beyond exploration flight sim game is playable on Steam Deck and Linux via Windows PC. Thanks to the creative genius of Dreams Uncorporated, we get to enjoy this adventure. Available on Steam. Great news for all space adventure fans. Atari, in partnership with Dreams Uncorporated, has just released Lunar Lander Beyond exploration for Windows PC. But it's also playable on Linux and Steam Deck for the true classic experience. Lunar Lander Beyond takes inspiration from the classic exploration flight sim, but it's so much more than that now. The talented team at Dreams Uncorporated has transformed it with beautiful art, a rich storyline, and a universe full of mysteries and surprises. This isn’t just about flying through space; it’s also about engaging in a deep, story-driven journey.

Lunar Lander Beyond - exploration flight sim Trailer

You get to lead a team from Pegasus Corporation. Your job? Pilot a crew that’s as brave as they come, handling a fleet of state of the art landers. While your Lunar Lander Beyond exploration missions will range from transporting vital cargo to mining resources. You will also performe high-stakes rescues across an array of moons and planets. Key Features:

Cosmic Artistry: Dive into stunning, hand-drawn sci-fi environments crafted by Dreams Uncorporated.

Celestial Quests: Tackle 30 challenging missions across five different celestial bodies, including the mysterious Etimus.

Fully Personalized Experience: Customize everything from your pilot to your spacecraft. With procedurally generated characters and numerous upgrades, no two adventures are the same.

Perilous Trials: Choose from four difficulty levels. For those who like a challenge, the 'Insane' mode offers high risks with the chance of permadeath.

Lunar Lander Beyond is more than just a exploration flight sim. It’s a rich, interactive adventure that tests your skills and decision-making in the vastness of space. Whether you’re a fan of strategic planning or a space story, this has something for everyone. The game is available right now on Windows PC. but playable on Linux and Steam Deck. Available via Steam. This is a chance to explore the classic universe in a way you’ve never done before. Adventure, exploration, and upgraded visuals await in Lunar Lander Beyond. So, what are you waiting for? It's priced at $29.99 USD / £24.99 / 28,99€.

[xboxissues]

New Xbox Games for April 22 to 26 2024

[nasa]

One Giant Leap for Mankind

Millions of people around the globe will come together for the Paris 2024 Olympic Games later this month to witness a grand event—the culmination of years of training and preparation.

Fifty-five years ago this July, the world was watching as a different history-changing event was unfolding: the Apollo 11 mission was landing humans on the surface of another world for the first time. An estimated 650 million people watched on TV as Neil Armstrong reached the bottom of the ladder of the lunar module on July 20, 1969, and spoke the words, “That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.”

While the quest to land astronauts on the Moon was born from the space race with the Soviet Union during the Cold War, this moment was an achievement for the whole of humanity. To mark the world-embracing nature of the Moon landing, several tokens of world peace were left on the Moon during the astronauts’ moonwalk.

“We came in peace for all mankind”

These words, as well as drawings of Earth’s western and eastern hemispheres, are etched on a metal plaque affixed to a leg of the Apollo 11 lunar lander. Because the base of the lander remained on the Moon after the astronauts returned, it is still there today as a permanent memorial of the historic landing.

Microscopic messages from kings, queens, and presidents

Another artifact left on the Moon by the Apollo 11 astronauts is a small silicon disc etched with goodwill messages from leaders of 74 countries around the world. Each message was reduced to be smaller than the head of a pin and micro-etched on a disc roughly 1.5 inches (3.8 cm) in diameter. Thailand’s message, translated into English, reads: "The Thai people rejoice in and support this historic achievement of Earth men, as a step towards Universal peace."

Curious to read what else was inscribed on the disk? Read the messages.

An ancient symbol

The olive branch, a symbol of peace and conciliation in ancient Greek mythology, also found its way to the Moon in July 1969. This small olive branch made of gold was left on the lunar surface during Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin’s 2.5-hour moonwalk. The olive branch also featured on the Apollo 11 mission patches sewed on the crew’s spacesuits. Designed in part by command module pilot Michael Collins, the insignia shows a bald eagle landing on the Moon holding an olive branch in its talons.

We go together

As NASA’s Artemis program prepares to again land astronauts on the Moon, including the first woman and the first person of color, this time we’re collaborating with commercial and international partners. Together we will make new scientific discoveries, establish the first long-term presence on the Moon, and inspire a new generation of explorers.

Is aerospace history your cup of tea? Be sure to check out more from NASA’s past at www.nasa.gov/history.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[pythonprogrammingsnippets]

python a basic multiplayer lander game starter example using pygame

import pygame import random # Define constants WIDTH = 1000 HEIGHT = 600 FPS = 60 GRAVITY = 0.35 THRUST = 0.8 MAX_SPEED = 5 # Initialize pygame and create window pygame.init() pygame.mixer.init() screen = pygame.display.set_mode((WIDTH, HEIGHT)) pygame.display.set_caption("Python Planet Multiplayer Lander") clock = pygame.time.Clock() # Define some colors WHITE = (255, 255, 255) BLACK = (0, 0, 0) GREEN = (0, 255, 0) # track which keys player is currently holding down keys_down = [] # Define classes class Platform: # pretty easy to make into a projectile class def __init__(self, x, y, width, height, is_moving=False): self.x = x self.y = y self.w = width self.h = height self.rect = pygame.Rect(x, y, width, height) self.is_moving = is_moving def draw(self, surface): self.rect = pygame.Rect(self.x, self.y, self.w, self.h) pygame.draw.rect(surface, (25, 55, 173), self.rect) def collides_with(self, rect): if self.rect.colliderect(rect): return self.rect return False def update(self): if self.is_moving: self.y += 1 if self.y > HEIGHT: self.y = 0 - self.h pass pass # build our platforms g_platforms = [ Platform(0, 550, 800, 50), Platform(300, 400, 200, 50), Platform(100, 300, 100, 50), Platform(600, 200, 100, 50, True), ] class Ship(pygame.sprite.Sprite): def __init__(self): super().__init__() # ship represented by a 50x50 pixel square self.image = pygame.Surface((50, 50)) r = 127 + random.randrange(0, 127) g = 127 + random.randrange(0, 127) b = 127 + random.randrange(0, 127) color = (r, g, b) self.image.fill(color) self.rect = self.image.get_rect() self.rect.center = (WIDTH / 2, HEIGHT / 5) self.speed_x = 0 self.speed_y = 0 self.key_up = pygame.K_UP self.key_down = pygame.K_DOWN self.key_left = pygame.K_LEFT self.key_right = pygame.K_RIGHT def reset(self): self.rect.center = (WIDTH / 2, HEIGHT / 5) self.speed_x = 0 self.speed_y = 0 def set_keys(self, u=pygame.K_UP, d=pygame.K_DOWN, l=pygame.K_LEFT, r=pygame.K_RIGHT): self.key_up = u self.key_down = d self.key_left = l self.key_right = r def change_thrust(self, the_key): if the_key == self.key_up: self.thrust_up() if the_key == self.key_down: self.thrust_down() if the_key == self.key_left: self.thrust_left() if the_key == self.key_right: self.thrust_right() def is_colliding(self): for platform in g_platforms: the_point = platform.collides_with(self.rect) if the_point: return the_point return False def update(self): # update gravity effect self.speed_y += GRAVITY # check collisions with platforms self.rect.x += self.speed_x if self.is_colliding(): self.rect.x -= self.speed_x self.speed_x *= -1 self.speed_x /= 2 self.rect.y += self.speed_y if self.is_colliding(): self.rect.y -= self.speed_y self.speed_y *= -1 self.speed_y /= 2 if self.rect.bottom > HEIGHT: self.rect.bottom = HEIGHT self.speed_y = 0 if self.rect.top < 0: self.rect.top = 0 self.speed_y = 0 if self.rect.right > WIDTH: self.rect.right = WIDTH self.speed_x = 0 if self.rect.right < 50: self.rect.right = 50 self.speed_x = 0 def thrust_up(self): self.speed_y -= THRUST def thrust_down(self): self.speed_y += THRUST def thrust_left(self): self.speed_x -= THRUST def thrust_right(self): self.speed_x += THRUST def track_keys_event(event): if event.type == pygame.KEYUP: the_key = event.key if the_key in keys_down: keys_down.pop(keys_down.index(the_key)) elif event.type == pygame.KEYDOWN: keys_down.append(event.key) def do_keys(): for key in keys_down: ship.change_thrust(key) shipB.change_thrust(key) # Create sprite groups all_sprites = pygame.sprite.Group() # initialize ships #player 1: just use default arrow keys ship = Ship() #player 2: use w,a,s,d to control shipB = Ship() shipB.set_keys(u=pygame.K_w, d=pygame.K_s, l=pygame.K_a, r=pygame.K_d) # add ships to game all_sprites.add(ship) all_sprites.add(shipB) # Game loop running = True while running: # Process input events for event in pygame.event.get(): if event.type == pygame.QUIT: running = False # check for keys being pressed down track_keys_event(event) # handle the keys currently pressed down do_keys() # Update game state all_sprites.update() # Draw the game screen.fill(BLACK) for platform in g_platforms: platform.update() platform.draw(screen) all_sprites.draw(screen) # Flip the display pygame.display.flip() # Wait for the next frame clock.tick(FPS) # Clean up pygame.quit()

[oldguydoesstuff]

1969 Bally Space Flight game let players lower a lunar lander by a tiny string into craters on a blacklight-illuminated rotating moon.

[simdertalia]

🚀 ACNH Space Enthusiast Set 👽

52 items | Sims 4, base game compatible - As usual, all original swatches included with lots of extras added by me! ☺️💗 Not all items are from ACNH. Please keep in mind some of the items are high poly if you have an older computer. The mooncake plate item is going to be shared publicly on my Tumblr today, since it is a cultural related item for a soon upcoming holiday.

Type “ACNH Space” into the search query in build mode to find  quickly. You can always find items like this, just begin typing  the title and it will appear.

Always suggested: bb.objects ON, it makes placing items much easier. For further placement tweaking, check out the TOOL mod.

Use the scale up & down feature on your keyboard to make the items larger or smaller to your liking. If you have a non-US keyboard, it may be different keys depending on which alphabet it uses. (The launch pad item is made smaller like the models, so it can be upscaled to fit. Other items like the UFO are made larger and can be down scaled the same way.)

I hope you enjoy!

Set contains: -Alien DNA | 8 swatch | 586 poly -Alien Plant Pot 1 | 9 swatches | 972 poly -Alien Plant Pot 2 | 9 swatches | 1494 poly -Alien Plant Pot 3 | 9 swatches | 992 poly -Alien Plant Pot 4 | 9 swatches | 3702 poly -Artificial Intelligence Music Player (functional radio) | 5 swatches | 828 poly -Chair - Console | 5 swatches | 1202 poly -Confidential Files (english & simlish) | 2 swatches | 144 poly -Control Panel (table) | 8 swatches - 2 screen swatches for each table color | 2300 poly -Cosmic Board Game | 1 swatch | 828 poly -Cosmic Cards | 1 swatch | 54 poly -Cosmic Card Holder | 11 swatch | 216 poly -Helmet Decor | 5 swatches | 1110 poly -Launch Pad | 1 swatch | 2362 poly -Lunar Lander | 1 swatch | 4804 poly -Med Pod Decor | 5 swatches | 2414 poly -Meteor Jar | 2 swatches | 1328 poly -Meteor Rock | 2 swatches | 1152 poly -Mooncake Plate | 3 swatches | 1154 poly -Moon Rover | 2 swatches | 4809 poly -Moon Wall Lamp | 2 swatches | 482 poly (this item has the same vertex paint issue as the other lams I have made. Turn down the brightness if the object looks too bright) -Robot Arm | 7 swatch | 1586 poly -Satellite | 2 swatches | 2384 poly -Satellite Model | 2 swatches | 2508 poly -Shoe Rack / Table | 3 swatches | 214 poly -Space Boots Decor | 1 swatch | 820 poly -Spaceship | 1 swatch | 3184 poly -Spaceship Model | 1 swatch | 3308 poly -Space Shuttle | 1 swatch | 2350 poly -Space Shuttle Model | 1 swatch | 2432 poly -Space Suit Decor (adult & child versions) | 1 swatch each | 1198 poly each -Space Tacos Decor | 1 swatch | 310 poly -Starship Table | 2 swatches | 756 poly -Table | 4 swatches | 2409 poly -Telescope | 2 swatches | 1238 poly -Twin Star Clock Radio | 3 swatches | 2388 poly -Twin Star Clock Wall | 4 swatches | 1204 poly -Twin Star Hairclip Decor | 3 swatches each | 934 poly -Twin Star Kid's Desk | 1 swatch | 1994 poly -Twin Star Shoes Decor (adult, child, & toddler versions) | 1 swatch each | 792 poly each -UFO | 1 swatch | 3172 poly -Wall Art (Large) | 10 swatches | 92 poly -Wall Art (Medium) | 16 swatches | 50 poly -Wall Art (Small) | 15 swatches | 50 poly -Wall Button | 7 swatches | 146 poly

Build Mode: -Wall Med Bay | 1 swatch -Wall Galaxy | 2 swatches -Wall Alien | 2 swatches -Moon Floor | 5 swatches

As always, please let me know if you have any issues! Happy Simming! 💗

📁 Download all or pick & choose (SFS, No Ads): HERE

📁 Alt Mega Download (still no ads): HERE

📁 DL on Patreon

Will be public on October 8th, 2023

As always, please let me know if you have any issues! Happy Simming!

✨ If you like my work, please consider supporting me

★ Patreon  🎉 ❤️ |★ Ko-Fi  ☕️  ❤️ ★ Instagram📷

Thank you for reblogging ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

@sssvitlanz  @maxismatchccworld @mmoutfitters  @coffee-cc-finds  @itsjessicaccfinds  @gamommypeach  @stargazer-sims-finds  @khelga68  @suricringe  @vaporwavesims  @mystictrance15 @public-ccfinds

[nightingaelic]

Things that are Now Fallout Canon

(according to the Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News that preceded the Fallout TV series' teaser trailer release on December 2, 2023)

Vault 33, the focus vault of the Fallout television series, is located beneath Santa Monica, California. It's also implied to be very, very expensive to get into.

Bottle and Cappy, the mascots for Nuka-Cola and its theme park, Nuka-World, were about to embark on a seventeen-movie-long series of animated films before the bombs fell.

The sinking of the RMS Titanic happened in Fallout's alternate universe. The news announcer jokes about the world going down like the infamous ship, including the deadly lack of lifeboats.

Camels exist in this universe, too! The news announcer actually fucks this one up, because he says dromedary camels have two humps - dromedary camels have one hump, while Bactrian camels have two. Or maybe we'll get a sound bite from Todd Howard in a few months where he claims the camel breed names are swapped in Fallout, who knows.

Pets were not allowed in the commercially-advertised vaults. The news announcer regrettably informs listeners that they can't bring their cats, dogs, or even fish with them due to logistical concerns and safety hazards, but they are more than welcome to purchase Vault-Tec-branded gravestones and hold pet funerals before they move underground. Hypothetically-speaking, it wouldn't surprise me if people tried to smuggle their animals in, anyway.

Someone stole the Fallout universe's original moon landing flag from the Museum of Technology in Washington, D.C. - another headline report, with no further details. It was in the same exhibit as the Virgo II lunar lander, which stayed put for at least 200 years.

Vault Boy was named "World's Sexiest Man" in 2077 (when the report is being aired) - no word about which publication or organization bestowed this title upon an animated mascot.

Vault-Tec trademarked the thumbs-up emoji in the Fallout universe - which is very much in character for the company, but something about there being emojis in the world at all hit me wrong.

Vault-Tec instituted a "breeder search program" alongside vault placement purchases, and encouraged polyamory to get people to procreate (and buy more vault spots). I'll admit that this one seems plausible but shaky, because by this point in the report the news announcer is losing his mind while stalling for the vault door to open, and he might just be making shit up.

Nuka-Cola ran its own version of the Pizza Hut "BOOK IT!" reading program, called "ZAP IT!" Kids were required to read over 10,000 books to win rewards. If we use picture books for the math, and allow for five minutes to read each book, that's about 833 hours (34 straight days) of reading to get some soda.

Moby-Dick by Herman Melville and the ancient Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus both exist in the Fallout universe.

Resulting Thoughts

"The ghoul" in the show is possibly named Howard - unsure if that's a first or last name. In the teaser trailer, Walton Goggins (who plays the ghoul) is shown dressed like a Hollywood cowboy on the day of the Great War, riding a horse to try to escape the nuclear bombs that hit Los Angeles with an unidentified child. Meanwhile, the Galaxy News headlines report that a box office hit called "The Man From Deadhorse" is getting a sequel, which is currently filming at California Crest Studios, and the news announcer says the film is "Howard-led." Whether the ghoul is the lead actor, we don't know, but it seems like a solid enough hint at his origins.

I'm glad that the show is going to delve more into the idea of the haves and have-nots, what with vault entrance being both selective and expensive. The most recent games in the series don't talk about this enough, in my opinion.

This isn't specific to the show adaptation, but it's becoming more noticeable to me that the Fallout series is crawling forward in terms of relating to modernity. I'm not sure how to feel about this - for example, I don't really mind if the soundtrack of Fallout 76 features the Beach Boys and other 1960s songs when it used to be strictly limited to 1930s and 40s music. On the other hand, I thought that using a news announcer that sounds more like a modern podcast host than a Transatlantic-accented journalist was an odd choice, and as I said above, I really did not like the idea that pre-war America knows what an emoji is. I'll get over it, but I'm anticipating that there will be some more artistic choices in the adaptation (and future games) that rub me and others the wrong way because they don't fit our definition of what Fallout "is." I'm not saying anything new, people have been arguing about that forever.

Overall, I'm excited. We're probably not getting a new Fallout game until 2030, so I might as well try to enjoy this. I will be keeping my bingo cards handy, though.

Anyway, I transcribed the damn report because I'm very normal. Feel free to use!

Fallout - A Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News

with occasional commentary from yours truly

[An upbeat, strings-led orchestral jingle plays, and black-and-white picture focuses on a spinning, silver globe. The globe is being circled by a vintage toy rocket. The words "GALAXY NEWS" fly in, and are quickly wiped and replaced by script declaring "Vault-Tec Presents..." The picture is circle-wiped and transitions to a high view of a vault entrance, with no visible script or markings to indicate which vault it is. The large, circular vault door is closed, and the access bridge to the door is not connected. A timer counting down from 60 minutes is overlaid in the bottom left corner, just above the Galaxy News globe logo and a signal tower graphic next to the word "LIVE." News headlines scroll along the bottom of the screen, the first of which reads "GALAXY NEWS SIGNS 10-YEAR PARTNERSHIP DEAL WITH VAULT-TEC." The headlines are separated by small lightning bolt graphics. The music continues throughout, and a male news announcer's voice cuts in.]

Good morning! Or, afternoon! Or evening, depending on where in the world you are. If you're just tuning in with us now, you're in for a treat. Welcome to the unveiling of Vault 33, one of the flagship vaults of Vault-Tec's arsenal of vaults.

[The second scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC VOTED AMERICAN COMPANY WITH BRIGHTEST FUTURE."]

Galaxy News is here live with an exclusive look at the next generation of apocalypse-proof, purpose-built luxury housing, sponsored by our friends at Vault-Tec. Vault-Tec: Revolutionizing safety for an uncertain future.

[The third scrolling headline reads "ROBCO INTERPLANETARY PROBE PROBES DEEPER INTO SPACE THAN ANY PROBE HAS PROBED BEFORE."]

If you're a regular viewer of our programming, we consider you an astute, engaged citizen, doing your part to stay informed on the latest news impacting this beautiful country of ours, and so it will be no surprise to you that we are on the precipice of a nuclear armageddon. But, fear not, Vault-Tec is building the ultimate shelter-in-place solution for the more doomsday-savvy customer: A veritable ark meticulously designed to weather the geopolitical storm surely headed our way any day now. And for the first time on live broadcast, the fine folks at Vault-Tec will be giving you a tour of their newest product unveiling, from the comfort of your home.

[The announcer takes a break, and the music swells. The vault remains closed, and no activity whatsoever is visible around it. It might as well be a static image. The fourth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-WORLD BREAKS ATTENDANCE RECORD FOR FOURTH STRAIGHT YEAR. GALACTIC ZONE GIVEN CREDIT FOR INCREASED NUMBERS." The initial song ends, and a new strings song with a more staccato rhythm begins. The news announcer returns.]

Welcome, once again, to Vault 33, nestled in the coastal west side of sunny Los Angeles County, and minutes from the yet-to-be-destroyed, bustling downtown promenade. Should nuclear annihilation one day come for this quiet beach-side town, you can take comfort in knowing you are safely buried deep, deep below what numerous trade publications once called "one of the best places to live." Right now, ladies and gentlemen, what you're looking at is peace of mind. Billions and billions of dollars and decades of R&D funneled into the high-grade protection engineering that only Vault-Tec can bring you.

[The fifth scrolling headline reads "WE ASKED OUR VIEWERS TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION: WHAT IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH AND WHY IS IT AMERICA? HEAR THE RESULTS TONIGHT AT 10PM EST." At this point, the news announcer starts to sound less formal and more excited.]

Aren't we a bunch of lucky ducks! Vault-Tec has tapped us into their closed loop security feed to bring you a sneak peek behind a vault entrance airlock. That large, fortified steel blast door you see there is the only thing standing between you and the rads.

[The sixth scrolling headline reads "UNITED STATES AGAIN ACCUSED OF ATMOSPHERIC COUNTER-ESPIONAGE BY THE REDS."]

Very soon - very soon, I'm told - Arnold? Are we - yeah - and we're very soon, and we're very soon. Very, very soon, I'm told, that gear door will open, and Galaxy News will be on the ground to give you all a walking tour of the facilities! Including the accommodations one might expect in a state-of-the-art, modern residence thanks to a partnership with RobCo Industries and some of your shelf-stable forever favorites like BlamCo and Sugar Bombs! There's nowhere to hide from explosive good taste! Boom!

[The news announcer disappears again, and the strings conclude and are replaced with a meandering clarinet-led number. Several scrolling headlines go by: "U.S. RENEWS DEFENSE CONTRACT WITH WEST TEK, HERALDS VALUE OF POWER ARMOR IN ALL THEATERS OF WAR." "ESPIONAGE THREAT SUBDUED IN DOMESTIC URANIUM MINES." "PRESIDENT DECLARES NUCLEAR STOCKPILE 'SAFE ENOUGH.'" "BULLETIN OF THE ATOMIC SCIENCES SETS DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO HALF A NANOSECOND TO MIDNIGHT." "ATLAS OBSERVATORY CHRISTENS NEW TELESCOPE, RE-COMMITTING TO A NON-VIOLENT PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE." The song ends, a new one begins, and the news announcer returns. The vault still hasn't opened, and he's dropped what was left of his professional tone.]

And we are... stalled out. We're still... having technical difficulties. You know, sometimes things go bad and there's just no way you can plan. It's kind of like what's happening with the world right now, there's no way you could've been born into the world and know how you were going to end - know how the world would end. How will the world end, in fire or in ice? Well, it turns out -

[laughter]

It turns out it's gonna be fire...

[The twelfth scrolling headline reads "CHRISTMAS TOY TRENDS: RETAILERS REPORT SHORTAGE OF POWER ARMOR FIGURINES."]

Arnold! What's that? Okay. Yes.

[sound of paper pages being flipped through]

Okay. Arnold just handed me a fun fact. We're gonna do fun facts, fun facts.

[The thirteenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA QUANTUM GETS FDA APPROVAL, FOUND TO CONTAIN 'HEALTHY AMOUNT OF RADIATION."]

Fun fact about the construction of these massive vaults: They use concrete. Hm. That hardly counts as a fun fact, Arnold. Now is there an update on when the door... the door's gonna be open? Arnold? I'm sorry, is there an update on the door? Is there an update on the crane? Is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Is it a pr- is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Arnold? Arnold! Arnie!

[sigh]

Okay...

[The news announcer gives up, and a song with a lot of muted trumpet comes in to serenade more scrolling headlines. "NO ONE'S BEATING THIS DEADHORSE. 'THE MAN FROM DEADHORSE' TOPS BOX OFFICE. A SEQUEL IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS AT CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS." "ATLAS WEATHER EXPERIMENT BELIEVED TO BE THE CAUSE OF UNEXPECTED SNOW FLURRY IN LOS ANGELES." "DEVELOPING: REDS CONTINUES TO DENY EXISTENCE OF STEALTH SUBMARINES, US INTELLIGENCE SUGGESTS OTHERWISE." Woodwinds replace the trumpet, and the news announcer returns, pivoting to an unrehearsed sales pitch for his sponsor.]

If you have the money, please - please, guys - get a Vault-Tec vault. Get in there! Think of it as a life raft, a bit. Our country is the Titanic, and these vaults are the life rafts - right? - attached to the side of it.

[The seventeenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA MASCOTS 'BOTTLE AND CAPPY' TO APPEAR IN ANIMATED FILM FROM CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS. WILL BE THE FIRST IN A SEVENTEEN PICTURE DEAL BETWEEN THE COMPANIES."]

Now, were there enough life rafts on the Titanic? If you remember - no, no there weren't enough, and so many, many people died, and so, it's a nice allegory actually, because they're not going to die in the freezing ocean, which would be - actually, it's a little faster to die by fire than it is by drowning in the cold, so it is kind of an advantage to be dying now, th- rather than on the Titanic, the RMS Titanic.

[The eighteenth scrolling headline reads "SUPPLY LINES FOR RED FORCES BREAKING DOWN." Sort of like this announcer. He pivots again.]

Now - can you call a survivor of a nuclear holocaust a person, anymore? I don't know. Their brain is going to be cottage cheese, and they will be crawling... crawling on the ground, stuffing sand in their mouth, their blind eyes melted out, like the white of an egg, just dripping and dribbling out of their eye sockets.

[The nineteenth scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES COMPLETION OF VAULT 33 UNDER SANTA MONICA, CA."]

They raise their face towards their... god... and scream, "Nooooo! Whyyyyyy! What did it all mean?" It turns out it didn't mean much if you didn't get a spot in a Vault-Tec vault."

[The twentieth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY UNITS SENT TO QUELL UNREST IN SEVERAL STATES."]

"Now, let's talk about the luxury interiors of Vault-Tec vaults. We have camel leather. You've heard of cow leather. Probably. Camel leather is a great deal softer, isn't it? It comes from the camel, who keep their water on their backs in a hump. Sometimes two, if they're a dromedary. Now, let's talk about camel leather and why it is more supple, and why it is cooler to the touch, and we can talk about it forever but what you want is luxury, what you need is safety: Where you go is Vault-Tec. That's it.

[I feel like I need to point out that dromedary camels only have one hump, and no camels store water in their humps: It's actually just fat up there that they can live off of while traversing deserts. Regardless, the announcer is gone again. The scrolling headlines remain. "NUKA CORP SPINS OFF ATOMIC RESEARCH ARM INTO SEPARATE CORPORATE ENTITY AFTER SEC APPROV." "SUPER DUPER MART ANNOUNCES RECALL OF BLAMCO MAC & CHEESE FOR TRACE AMOUNTS OF DAIRY." "VAULT-TEC STOCKS SOAR AS US ECONOMY BECOMES FEAR-BASED." "BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, FIREARMS AND LASERS TAKE DOWN NATIONWIDE WEAPONS SMUGGLING RING." Another woodwind-heavy song starts up, and so does our announcer.]

Um... Arnold?

[throat clearing]

Arnie! Can we- do- do we have a- can we start a clock? Can we - is there, like, anything we can do? I feel like people need something to hold onto, there's a lot of empty air. There's a lot of dead air, here. People need something to hold onto, people are freaking out, and I'm freaking out because I like to have - I like to bring people comfort - uh, in, in this crazy time. There's, there's only a few things you can predict -

[laughter]

In - in the world, and uh, I thought that opening the vault on time would be one of those things.

[The twenty-fifth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY SETS THREAT LEVEL OF POSSIBLE BIOLOGICAL WEAPON ATTACK FROM REDS TO HIGH."]

I was kind of counting on it as a - a thing that would bring some amount of normalcy, some amount of comfort. Something happening the way it's supposed to in a world that feels like it has been turned upside down by evil. But, unfortunately that is not the case. Here we are. Another thing we don't know. Another thing we have to grapple with.

[The twenty-sixth scrolling headline reads "TEDDY FEAR MANUFACTURER SETTLES CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT, DENIES TOY BEAR CAUSES SLEEP PARALYSIS NIGHTMARES IN CHILDREN."]

This particular vault and these technical difficulties that we're having right now have absolutely nothing to do with the product that you will buy when you buy a Vault-Tec vault. Now, Vault-Tec vault living is living the dream, and it's the only way to safety unless you're... the President of the United States, or something like that, and you have a mountain in Colorado to go under and direct the events of the world. Not many of us are that, there's only one of those... uh, and his various and sundry advisors, I'm sure they'll be fine, but you won't! You won't be fine!

[The twenty-seventh scrolling headline reads "WERE TEDDY FEAR BEARS MISUNDERSTOOD? ONE PSYCHOLOGIST THINKS SO."]

If a vault is out of your price range, there are lower-cost alternatives to purchasing a spot with Vault-Tec. They don't sound... good, if you ask me. Anti-radiation pills? Good luck with that. Not sure how anti-radiation pills will hold up against temperatures rivaling the surface of the sun, for example. But maybe that's just me!

[He's gone again. We're 15 minutes into the countdown, and the woodwinds have really started to outdo their own whimsy, at this point. Headlines continue. "TEDDY FEARS SKYROCKET IN POPULARITY AND PRICE DUE TO SCARCITY CAUSED BY RECALL." "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES NEWLY AVAILABLE SINGLE VAULT SPACES FOR SALE." "THIS YEAR'S FALLOUT SUIT DESIGN FEATURES ENHANCED PROTECTION, 20% MORE ZIPPERS." The whimsical woodwinds finish up and a bouncy, brassy horn piece takes over. This summons the announcer.]

When you see that vault, it's all gonna be worth it, fellas. It's all gonna be worth it when you see that vault. Now kids, you're probably wondering: Can I bring my pet doggy, or my pet kitty, into the vault? You can't. Unfortunately... it's a hazard in so many different ways. Uh... tch, uh, their hair can get caught in the ventilation system, you'll have endless problems, where do you put their waste? Where do you put... their food? So many, so many problems, so... we have specially-made Vault-Tec gravestones.

[The thirty-first scrolling headline reads "VIRGO II LUNAR LANDER NOW ON DISPLAY AT MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY IN WASHINGTON, D.C."]

We have specially-made Vault-Tec pet gravestones for your children to have many funerals for their pets before you go into your Vault-Tec vault. Memorialize your pets now with Vault-Tec mini pet gravestones! Dig a hole in the sand, put the pet in there, and put that gravestone - and it's got a space where you can write the pet's name - right before you go in the vault, no pets in the vault. Not even fish. No, not even fish.

[The thirty-second scrolling headline reads "FLAG FROM VIRGO II LUNAR LANDING STOLEN FROM MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY." The news announcer is really getting aggravated.]

What is happening? What is - Arnie! What is - what is happening? Okay - okay! Alright!

[The music and the headlines fill the space again. "NUKA-WORLD TO RAISE TICKET PRICES FOR UPCOMING SEASON, EXPECTING AN 'EXPLOSIVE' YEAR." "GWINNETT ANNOUNCES NEW PALE ALE SO PALE IT'S TRANSPARENT." "HAPPY NATIONAL SOCK HOP DAY!" "VAULT BOY NAMED WORLD'S SEXIEST MAN." The news announcer tries again, attempting to play up the complete inactivity happening onscreen.]

So much is happening here, we've got... the crane, as you can see, it's - it's about to be lowered, and I'm told - and I'm told... the weather. The inclement weather is - keep - I think the weather... there's a pressure cha- it needs to be - yes, of course. The pressure needs to be right to open the vault, or else the differential pressure between underground and overground will cause... a, uh... uh, the furniture to, uh...

[The thirty-seventh scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC REGISTERS TRADEMARK ON THE THUMBS UP EMOJI." This one made me physically recoil.]

L- Look... get a Vault-Tec vault. If you can't afford a whole vault for your family, that's fine. Buy time in a timeshare, one of our timeshares. And it's not the kind of timeshare you're going to regret, this is one that's not a scam, because you can look down at your intact body in a Vault-Tec vault and say, "Look at me! I'm whole!"

[The thirty-eighth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA PATRIOTICALLY SALUTES SUCCESS OF NEWEST FLAVOR LAUNCH - NUKA-COLA VICTORY. EXCLUSIVE REDESIGN COMING NEXT YEAR WITH 'A TASTE AS SWEET AS FREEDOM.'"]

Stay whole in a Vault-Tec vault! Keep it together, meaning your corporeal form! Keep it together in a Vault-Tec vault! You'll be skipping around in a workout area, and... check out those barbells! Why not work those biceps while you're down here? What if there's an emergency, and somebody breaches your Vault-Tec vault door? Well, you're gonna want to be in shape to fight off that rageful beast!

[At this point the scrolling headlines loop back to the beginning.]

Now, is it a human? If you kill it, will its soul go to heaven or hell? Don't worry about it! Just get it out, because even its presence in your Vault-Tec vault could kill you and your entire family! These people are irradiated. It's not healthy, right? It's like putting your hand on a radiator. Don't do it.

[Music break. That vault still isn't opening. The song ends, and the news announcer clears his throat.]

We don't... have the exact scoop yet, ladies and gentlemen, so Arnie, why don't we put some music on while we wait for the skinny?

[noticeable pause]

I- I- I- I- don't know what song, put on anything, I'm dying up here.

[The next song opens with energetic trumpets that sound like they're charging through a movie theater snack stand. It's followed by a big band track that seems to re-energize the announcer.]

And, if you're just joining us, we're preparing to head inside the latest and greatest product offering from Vault-Tec. Vault 33, a pristine subterranean society purpose-built for America's best and brightest to wait out the nuclear fallout. There's no telling what will remain once this global conflict reaches its inevitable conclusion: That's why it's important for patriots like you to purchase a guaranteed spot in America's future. It's up to you to keep our golden society going, propagating forth until we have the ranks to repopulate the world outside.

"What if I don't have a partner or family right now?" you may be asking. "Don't give up on love so soon!" I say. Where better to meet eligible partners than in a cherry-picked community of like-minded individuals? If you find you need a bit more assistance, Vault-Tec has breeder search programs to help you find the one, or the two, or the three, four, five! Vault-Tec is a very open society, so go ahead and purchase that single vault space, and that single may become a double before you know it! And what better place to find someone to love, than safe underground?

Please stay tuned as we prepare to bring the crew, and the world at large, inside our Vault-Tec facility.

"But what if I don't have the money for a vault right now?" you may be thinking. You should never let not having the funds today stop you from reaching your dreams. You can always pay tomorrow, into perpetuity. Vault-Tec is reportedly constructing financial packages that allow for customers to continue payments on select economy vaults, in the event of total societal extinction. So don't worry, purchase away! Vault-Tec upholds traditional American values, and they believe no one should be excluded from the pursuit of life, liberty, and debt.

[Music break, wherein the song concludes and switches to something more pensive and staccato.]

A- Alright? Yes? Arnold is telling me - yes? We are moments away! Moments away - from having some kind of movement here. I'll believe that when I see it. Sorry Arnie, but your credibility with me could not be any lower at this point.

Let's talk about the amenities in these concrete miracles. Radiation King will be providing television sets, modern kitchen appliances.

[throat clearing]

The sofas will be... I'm sorry, do we know who makes the sofas? I'm sorry, do we - do we know who makes the sofas? Do we know who makes the sofas? Arnold, do we know who makes the sofas?

[Arnold does not reply. The announcer is miffed.]

What else is new. Yeah.

[Dejection turns to anger immediately.]

If you could please just give me something? If you could please just give me something to update? I'm sitting here with nothing! I'm sitting here... with nothing! This isn't my job! I'm a journalist! I report things, I don't... vamp! Is there even a - is, is there a clue? Is there, do the crane people - have the crane people chimed in? Have the door people chimed in? Is it all one person?

[Arnold presumably says some inaudible form of "I don't know." This does not please the news announcer.]

Well maybe con- maybe connect yourself to them. You should get yourself a radio. Get yourself a radio, Arnold. That's your job, to communicate with me the facts about what's going on, and it's my job to communicate to the people who are watching - we're trying to save their lives - you know, and this isn't advertising for me. This is a product I believe in!

Arnold, what do you do? What skills do you - are you somebody's son? Are you - are you somebody's kid, or something?

[Arnold can finally be heard, somewhat garbled from distance or technology: "My uncle is, uh, is the general manager of Galaxy News, your employer." The news announcer considers this.]

Your uncle is the manager of Galaxy New - mmm. Well, that explains how you got this internship. I'm sorry for everything I said, but... you can understand my frustration, here.

[The music concludes, but the announcer keeps going.]

The, uh, vault foreman is out here, and he is, uh, uh, doing hand signals. Ooh, yes, it's going to be a while, let's play some music for the people, Arnie.

[A new song starts. We're nearly 30 minutes into the countdown before the song switches over and the news announcer starts up again.]

All right folks, we have an update! They've got eyes on the gatekeeper out walking the grounds. It appears he was attempting to retrace his steps after misplacing the key and his wallet - still no word on the key itself, please stand by for more on the wallet, as this story continues to unfold.

Still on standby as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve, but folks, there is plenty to get the American public up to speed on in the meantime. World news stories! Breaking, breaking news from the international desk. Peace negotiations between America and her adversaries crumbled in Anchorage, Alaska, this past weekend, a city recently liberated from foreign occupation, leading experts to believe nuclear war is indeed on the horizon. One more reason, America, to tune into the presentation Vault-Tec has for us today. Preparation, resilience, and smart spending are the only way our precious republic makes it through that long, dark night.

[This revelation approximates the date of the broadcast, which is happening not long after the Battle of Anchorage. The clash in Alaska officially ended on January 10, 2077: This news bulletin proves that attempted peace negotiations followed, then failed.]

Going the way of the dinosaurs has never felt this fun! If only the dinosaurs had Vault-Tec technology. Now, the dinosaurs died because... a meteor came from space, right? They had nothing to do with it. We have everything to do with our own demise. It's almost like… people are a virus that is destroying the Earth, we're a planet-killing virus. And people do say, "Oh, well, you know, well, the cockroaches... will outlive us and the the aardvarks or whatever will outlive us." Well, they won't. They're going to die too, because this is the real deal, guys. This is the end. So if you're not underground, I don't know what you're doing.

I wonder how we'll evolve. Will we develop a different kind of skin, some kind of leathery, plastic skin to fight off the nuclear fire? Who knows, but the only way to find out is to purchase a Vault-Tec vault, or a space in one of our timeshares.

[Music break again. It's a rather lively waltz.]

For those gathered around their Radiation King TV sets today, thank you for your patience. Rome wasn't built in a day!

[laughter]

Very soon you will witness… one of the greatest modern advances since the Virgo II moon landing - you won't want to miss this, the future of you and your future children depends on it.

[Exasperation sets in.]

Honestly, who wrote this copy?

[Arnold presumably raises his hand.]

You did, Arnold? Well, that's not surprising. It leaves… yes, well, it leaves a lot to be desired. They couldn't hire a professional writer? You look like you're 15 years old.

[Arnold inaudibly corrects him.]

You're 23? Yeah, well, 23-year-olds look like they're 15 now, still too young. What could you know about the - what could you possibly know about the written word, Arnold? Goddamn it. What could you - what do you know about writing and oratory? Nothing, I'll answer y- for you, nothing. The lack of professionalism - myself not included - disgusts me. The lack of professionalism disgusts me, Arnold!

Speaking of nuclear fire, you should see the muffin tray they left out for me. People want a blueberry mu- you want a muffin, okay? A muffin. Not a little squirt of dough, with a little powdered su- give me a muffin, give me a real thing, okay? Give me some snacks! You're going to give me some coffee? Good. I need a snack, to balance it. I'm not the only person in the world who needs a little bit of fat in their stomach when they eat a... big haul of caffeine.

[throat clearing]

Stand by as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve.

[The music does some flourishes, then finishes.]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: We're experiencing some technical difficulties. And before we can open the vault - Vault 33, our flagship vault, full of the, uh, finest luxury items available to mankind, a- as of now - maybe we could put something on to keep people company while we figure out the technical difficulties. Sorry, these difficulties of course have nothing to do with Vault-Tec's vault tech. In- in- indeed…

Look, I need to have a whole cigarette right now. Just put on the song. Where are my smokes?

[The music starts up again while the announcer burns through a cigarette at the speed of a Corvega.]

Well, well, well! Here we are again! Ladies and gentlemen, we're dealing with a hiccup. Now, hiccups... might seem like a momentary stoppage, but this is a big hiccup. It's like God is hiccuping.

Vault-Tec is reporting that there's only one gatekeeper and one key on this vault model. The keys for these vaults are one of one, it fits like a glove, but it's - it's - these - these locks are very, very complicated.

God, it's so good to be on the other side of this. I don't think people know. People really don't know what's coming, and that's probably good. If you haven't watched… if you haven't watched the news up to this point, don't pick it up. Don't… just try and stay ignorant, uh, really don't find out what's going to happen because… it's bad, um, it's over.

[laughter]

The Earth is a slaughterhouse, and we are cattle!

[laughter]

We- we'll go back into, uh, a society resembling Bronze Age Mesopotamia. That's where we're going. It's not fun. Um... disease is… really prominent, um… we don't treat women well - let's just face it, it's - they - we don't treat them well now, but back then… oof. Rough. Rough treatment of women. You think we're racist now?

It's going to get bad. Where you want to be is underground. Vault-Tec vaults.

[A really tinny muted trumpet rises to its occasion as he disappears again for a bit.]

You know what else is great about Vault-Tec vaults? The air purification system. Let's talk about air. You need air to breathe, I need air to breathe, we need air to breathe. Vault-Tec's got it in spades! We've got oxygen candles straight from our finest nuclear submarines that you can burn, that turn nitrogen and carbon dioxide into oxygen molecules. Perfectly breathable, perfectly safe for your children, and your children's children, and your children's children's children in case we're there for three sweaty generations of sweaty living underground! In a fresh vault!

In fact, we put a family in a vault for 10 years and let them out just to see how it would go… and here they are now! "We loved it, uh… We loved it! That was great!" Uh… that's - I'm making it up! I'm making that up. I am imagining what could happen if I had more information about the vaults, but I don't have that information, so I'm making it up! Ha! Vault-Tec vaults, yes. Say yes to the tech!

[The music saves us for a bit.]

Unfortunately, we are back, the vault hasn't opened, and we have had absolutely no movement towards the vault opening, so! Hope you enjoyed that music. I know I was tapping my feet. Let's get back into it, where are we?

The US government has been quietly testing T-60 power armor suits as part of their long-standing defense contract with West Tek, following up the T-45 and T-51 efforts in the ongoing war with the People's Liberation Army.

[hisses through teeth]

How about that? How about that. The Man from Deadhorse gallops to a fast start at the box office! The Howard-led western is said to be the next smash for California Crest Studios.

[So the ghoul's name is probably Howard Something, or Something Howard. Interesting, but the announcer doesn't care and decides to throw another tantrum.]

Am I crazy or is this taking forever? I don't think I'm crazy, but I feel crazy! In fact, I might be the only person involved in this whole production who hasn't lost his mind! I'm looking at you, Arnie, I'm looking at you!

[Looking at Arnie yields nothing, again.]

"You don't know what to do, you don't know what to do." You idiot! I can't even get the word- I can't even get the information from you. Worthless!

[grunt of rage]

It's just me and Arnie here, I'm in hell, he's sitting there smiling at me, I'm in absolute hell!

Do you have a spot, Arnie? Do you have a spot in a vault? Oh! You do! What vault is that?

[long pause]

Oh, that's the one I'm in. Oh. Dear God.

[deep breath]

I guess we should get to know each other.

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't even know what's wrong here… but I can assure you that what isn't wrong is Vault-Tec technology, this has nothing to do with Vault-Tec's patented lock technology and everything to do with stupid people and human error. If you're this inefficient at work, what is home li- do - how do you wipe yourself?

[Uncalled-for, news announcer man.]

Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this music while we figure out what's going on.

[Musical break number who knows. Just over 11 minutes remain on the countdown.]

In other sponsored news, Nuka-Cola is celebrating the success of one of their newest flavor launches, Nuka-Cola Victory, with an exclusive redesign release later next year. Students that read over 10,000 books can be part of the ZAP IT! Program, rewarding literacy with sugar!

[deep breath]

I don't like Nuka-Cola. Personally... I don't like Nuka-Cola. Too sweet. I don't drink it. But it's popular, I have stocks in it, I invest - I invest in it. I don't drink it. It's the way the world is. Just because it's popular, doesn't mean it's good, just because it's good, doesn't mean it's popular. A can of Nuka-Cola, what is that, it's energy slowed down, right? It's the energy of the universe slowed down, right? What are we, what am I? We are energy slowed down into the form of a human being. All that's about to stop.

[laughter]

All that's about to stop! All that's about to go away! Maybe there's life on other planets. Maybe there's not. Are they going to come save us, no! If I were on another planet, and I came here, I would have an endless belly laugh at our folly, I mean, the folly of man! It's funny, there's so much written about the "folly of man." I mean, read Moby-Dick. Read… uh… what di- what happened with the - the wax wings, the wax wing guy? Wax wing man, Mr. Wax Wings, Daedalus. What's his name?

[Arnold hazards a guess we can hear: "Shakespeare?"]

Arnold, Shakespeare? Arnold, Arnold, good god… Shakespeare? Where did you go - you went to one of these hippie schools...

[Arnold tries again: "I think it was Icarus?" The announcer is ecstatic.]

Icarus! Icarus. Wow! You are good for something. Wow, Arnie!

Now, Icarus, he was close to the sun. In a Vault-Tec vault, you'll be as far from it as possible. You will be up to 50 feet underground, in a Vault-Tec vault, safe and sound in the knowledge that the wax on your wings will not be anywhere close to anything that will make it melt, except our new Vault-Tec oven!

[The horns come in again.]

Where are you f- what's your family situation? Do you have kids or…

[Arnold probably shakes his head.]

No kids? Good for you.

[laughter]

Are you single?

[Arnold: "Yeah."]

Ahh, yeah. I wouldn't recommend going into a vault single. You might want to lock someone down and take you in there - if only to help you fight - and, uh, survive, it's good to have a partner. Yeah… oof!

Anyway, glad I'm safe and secure in my vault! Um… I'm in the tax bracket that kind of... automatically gets a vault, so, sorry everybody. Uh… I'll be, uh, doing this thing called surviving, while you are all burning.

[deep breath]

What's the point of any of this? What's the point of any of this? Nobody - nobody listening to this can afford one of these things. Everybody listening to this is about to turn into an idea!

[laughter]

Instead of a being! But, here we are! Let's whoop it up! Let's whoop it up! It's a big parade… for the end of mankind! It's a big parade! Here's the final celebration, Arnie! Here we are!

Let's stake our claim in a dying planet! Let's plant our flag in a dead rock, and see how we feel. Let's see how we feel after the flag is planted, Arnie.

[a deep sigh]

I don't know how much longer I can do this, man.

[another deep breath]

My voice hurts, I'm thirsty, we're out of water, the muffins they laid out at the top of the day are dry and old, I feel dry and I feel old.

I give up! I give up.

[chuckles]

What's the point of this? I mean, what's the point of anything? I'm... I'm broken.

[Emotion creeps in.]

I'm broken. I'm changed. I am broken and I have changed. I…

[one more deep breath]

Thanks to you, Arnie. Thanks to you, man. Thanks, you're the best, yeah, thanks to you, pal. Thanks to you, buddy boy. You are just awful. You disgust me. Yeah, I'm just - I'm sorry. I'm - I'm just… I'm fried, man. I'm - I'm fried, pal. I'm fried. Dead. Gravestone, dead. Oh yeah, that's, okay.

Oh, god. Where are we in the process of the door opening?

[Arnold: "Yeah, it's over."]

What?

[A record scratch stops the music. Two minutes remain on the countdown.]

What's that? Oh!

[The announcer clears his throat, and the music changes to a triumphant fanfare.]

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word. Ladies and gentlemen... I've gotten word that we are star- we are starting, ladies and gentlemen. It's happening! Here we are! Here we are, we got it, we got it, and now…

N- and now, this afternoon is unlike any other afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. It was the morning, now it's the afternoon - here we go! The crane is loweri- Here we go!

[relieved laughter]

Okay! Really close to the time where I can go, and get out of here! The crane is lowering, it is happening, the tumblers are tumbling! The crane is lowering, the tumblers are tumbling, we are… go! We're going! It's opening! It's opening!

[The static image of the vault has not changed in the slightest bit.]

You try doing this! You try doing this, Arnie! You try filling the time! Next time we'll switch places, Arnie, and you can try it! Oh boy, oh boy, here we go, thank god we're doing it and it's happening. I see motion, I see- I see Vault-Tec… I am convinced! Guys, this is great, it's been great, Arnie? It's been great. Arnie, it's been great. You know, I hope we are in the same vault. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you, Arnie.

[slightly unhinged laughter]

As long as this happens right now, I am fine with spending the rest of my life with you! As long as the vault opens right now. The fact that nuclear fire could fall from the sky at any moment has made this broadcast that much more important. Thank you, thank you so much for joining us!

[commodorez]

What is the appeal of vintage computers to you? Is it the vintage video games or is it the programs? If so, what kind of programs do you like to run on them?

Fair warning, we're talking about a subject I've been passionate about for most of my life, so this will take a minute. The answer ties into how I discovered the hobby, so we'll start with a few highlights:

I played old video games starting when I was 9 or 10.

I became fascinated with older icons buried within Windows.

Tried to play my first video game (War Eagles) again at age 11, learned about the hardware and software requirements being way different than anything I had available (a Pentium III-era Celeron running Windows ME)

I was given a Commodore 1541 by a family friend at age ~12.

Watched a documentary about the history of computers that filled in the gaps between vague mentions of ENIAC and punch cards, and DOS/Windows machines (age 13).

Read through OLD-COMPUTERS.COM for the entire summer immediately after that.

Got my first Commodore 64 at age 14.

I mostly fell into the hobby because I wanted to play old video games, but ended up not finding a ton of stuff that I really wanted to play. Instead, the process of using the machines, trying the operating system, appreciating the aesthetic, the functional design choices of the user experience became the greater experience. Oh, and fixing them.

Then I started installing operating systems on some DOS machines, or playing with odd peripherals, and customizing hardware to my needs. Oh, and programming! Mostly in BASIC on 8-bit hardware, but tinkering with what each computer could do is just so fascinating to me. I'm in control, and there isn't much of anything between what I write and the hardware carrying it out (especially on pre-Windows machines)! No obfuscation layers, run-times, .dlls, etc. Regardless of the system, BASIC is always a first choice for me. Nova, Ohio Scientific, Commodore, etc. I usually try to see what I can do with the available BASIC dialect and hardware. I also tend to find a game or two to try, especially modern homebrew Commodore games because that community is always creating something new. PC stuff I focus more on pre-made software of the era.

Just to name a few examples from a variety of systems: Tetris, terminal emulators, Command & Conquer titles, screen savers, War Eagles, Continuum, video capture software, Atomic Bomberman, demos, LEGO Island, Bejeweled clones, Commander Keen 1-3, lunar lander, Galaxian, sinewave displays, 2048, Pacman, mandelbrot sets, war dialers, paint -- I could keep going.

Changing gears, I find it funny how often elders outside of the vintage computing community would talk about the era I'm interested in (60s-early 90s). [spoken with Mr. Regular's old man voice]: "Well, computers used to be big as a room! And we used punch cards, and COBOL!" I didn't know what any of that meant, and when pressed for technical detail they couldn't tell you anything substantial. Nobody conveyed any specifics beyond "that's what we used!"

I noticed that gaps remained in how that history was presented to me, even when university-level computer science and history professors were engaged on the subject. I had to go find it on my own. History is written by the victors, yeah? When was the last time a mainstream documentary or period piece focused on someone other than an Apple or Microsoft employee? Well, in this case, you can sidestep all that and see it for yourself if you know where to look.

Experiencing the history first hand to really convey how computers got from point A to B all the way down to Z is enlightening. What's cool is that unlike so many other fields of history, it's near enough in time that we can engage with people who were there, or better yet, made it happen! Why do you think I like going to vintage computer festivals?

We can see the missteps, the dead-ends, the clunkiness, the forgotten gems and lost paradigms, hopefully with context of why it happened. For the things we can't find more information on, when or documentation and perspectives are limited, sometimes we have to resort to digital archeology, and reverse engineering practices to save data, fix machines, and learn how they work. The greater arc of computer history fascinates me, and I intend to learn about it by fixing and using the computers that exemplify it best, and sharing that passion with others who might enjoy it.

[gmlocg]

16.) Lunar Lander

Release: August 1979 | GGF: Action, Arcade, Simulation, Physics | Developer(s): Atari, Inc. | Publisher(s): Atari, Inc. | Platform(s): Arcade (1979), Windows (2003), PlayStation 2 (2004), Xbox (2004), Game Boy Advance (2005), N-Gage (2005), Nintendo DS (2005), PSP (2007), Android (2010), iOS (2010), Macintosh (2010), Xbox 360 (2010), Antstream (2020), Plex Arcade (2021)

[retrogamingloft]

Jupiter Lander, developed by HAL Laboratory and published by Commodore in 1982 for the Commodore 64 (with a prior release on the Vic-20 in 1981), presents a gameplay concept reminiscent of Atari's Lunar Lander, albeit set on Jupiter. The game challenges players to navigate a spacecraft to one of three landing pads within a dynamically scrolling landscape. This task demands precise control over the lander's thrusters to manage speed and direction while grappling with Jupiter's strong gravitational forces and a finite fuel supply.

The game's core difficulty arises from the requirement to achieve smooth landings on pads that differ in challenge level and point values, depending on their size and placement. Players are tasked with judiciously using their fuel to guide the lander's descent, mitigating the dual threats of fuel depletion and catastrophic crashes.

Although relatively brief, Jupiter Lander has always been a game I've held in high regard for its demanding gameplay. While it may not reach the formidable challenge posed by Lunar Lander—a title I consider among the most difficult of the 1970s—it nevertheless provides a succinct and engaging experience that avoids becoming unduly frustrating.